Being Wholehearted

Sermon preached by the Rev. Lowell E. Grisham, Rector

St. Paul's Episcopal Church, Fayetteville, Arkansas

April 8, 2012; Easter Sunday, Year B

Episcopal Revised Common Lectionary

(John 20:1-18) – Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, "They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him." Then Peter and the other disciple set out and went toward the tomb. The two were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent down to look in and saw the linen wrappings lying there, but he did not go in. Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb. He saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the cloth that had been on Jesus' head, not lying with the linen wrappings but rolled up in a place by itself. Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; for as yet they did not understand the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. Then the disciples returned to their homes.

But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had been lying, one at the head and the other at the feet. They said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said to them, "They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him." When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?" Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away." Jesus said to her, "Mary!" She turned and said to him in Hebrew, "Rabbouni!" (which means Teacher). Jesus said to her, "Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, `I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'" Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, "I have seen the Lord"; and she told them that he had said these things to her.

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Two of the main characters in John’s version of the Easter story are Mary Magdalene and Peter.  They come to the tomb on Sunday morning.  And each of them comes with baggage, with history.

It was said of Mary Magdalene that Jesus exorcised seven demons from her.  She must have done some outrageous things that left an unforgettable impression.  It is not said what other people might have said about her, but I’ll bet people shamed her.  History has created all kinds of fantasies around her, most of them shameful.  In some circles her name is a synonym for a “fallen woman.”

Peter was always falling.  When he looked like he was about to succeed, walking on water toward Jesus, he suddenly lost his nerve, and Jesus had to pull him out, sputtering and red faced.  When Peter thought he was protecting Jesus from threat, Jesus had to scold him, “Get behind me Satan.  You are on the wrong side.”  That had to smart.  And just a couple of nights ago, Peter boasted that he would lay down his life for Jesus.  Then that same night, in the moment of crisis, Peter betrayed his friend, denying Jesus publicly three times.  What a failure Peter knew himself to be.

These are two people who carry enough baggage that it would be easy for them to withdraw in shame, fearful that if you knew all about them, you wouldn’t think them worthy.  Mary:  “I’m not stable enough.  I’ve done stuff.  I’m not sane.”  Peter:  “I always screw up.  I failed again, when it counted most.”

Yet here they are at the tomb.  The fallen woman and the coward. How did they do that?  How did they have the power to show up?  I think it’s because of something they learned from Jesus.  I believe that they learned from Jesus that they are worthy of love and belonging, no matter what.  I believe Jesus wants to teach each of us, “You are worthy of love; you are worthy of belonging.  No matter what.”

Brené Brown is a researcher at the University of Houston.  She’s been studying what she calls “worthiness.”  How is it that some people feel that they are worthy of love and belonging, despite their failures and weaknesses?  She studied the qualities of people who think they are worthy.  She calls them “wholehearted people.”  And here’s what she discovered.

Wholehearted people have a certain sense of courage.  It is the courage to be imperfect.  They can look at their imperfections and not have to turn away or to numb themselves.  It took some courage in Peter to be willing to face an empty tomb or even a resurrected Christ when the last thing he did was to betray his friend.  Jesus must have made him know that he was safe, accepted, especially when he failed.

Brené Brown says wholehearted people have enough compassion to be kind to themselves first, which allows them to be kind to others.  Mary Magdalene had to forgive and accept who she had been in the past in order to become who she would be in the future.  Jesus let her accept her past with dignity.

People who have the courage and compassion to accept themselves are able to be authentic, which is the key to being connected with others.  When you let go of who you think you should be, and simply be who you are, you can relax and be authentic.  You can be real.  We all like real people.  Authenticity creates connection, community.

Among the disciples, everybody knew about Mary and Peter.  Everybody knew their clay feet.  But they were who they were, and they belonged.  That’s the way it is in good community, the way it’s supposed to be in families and church.  In a way, it’s so normal, it’s boring.  We’re all messed up.  We’re all carrying baggage, and we’ve all felt shame.  So get over it.  And let’s take the risk of friendship together. 

Sure it feels vulnerable to let ourselves be seen, warts and all.  We avoid vulnerability.  Most of us numb ourselves to our vulnerable feelings.  You can see it in our culture.  Americans are in-debt, obese, addicted, and medicated.  I don’t want to feel this, so I’ll have a beer and watch QVC.  The problem is, that when you numb, you numb everything.  When you numb loneliness or shame or anxiety, you also numb joy, gratitude and happiness.  Then you feel more miserable – without purpose and meaning – vulnerable.  I think I’ll have another beer and buy today’s special on QVC.

Research shows that, in addition to numbing ourselves, we use four other ways to avoid vulnerability.

(1)  Certainty.  Make everything uncertain, certain.  I’m right.  You’re wrong.  That’s that.  I don’t want to live in the complexity, so I’ll just retreat to my certainties.  The Pope’s infallible or the Bible is literal fact.  I’ll just believe what my church or my political party tells me.

How do we avoid the feelings of vulnerability?  (2) We blame.  It feels good to find someone who is worse than you and blame them.  It’s also comforting to play the cynic.  Just sit back and fire shots, to stay away from the messy anxiety of working on solutions in an uncertain and ambiguous world.

Certainty.  Blaming.  And number three is, we perfect things.  We find what we think we can control, and we perfect it.  Perfectionism is most tragic when we try to perfect our children.  Children are hard-wired for struggle.  And they are imperfect.  But children are so worthy of love and belonging.  Don’t perfect them, love them.

Recounting:  We avoid our vulnerable feelings by numbing ourselves, by retreating into certainties, by blaming others, by perfecting what we think we can control, and finally – my favorite – we pretend what we do doesn’t have an effect on people.  We avoid.  As Scarlett O’Hara says, “I’ll think about that tomorrow.  …Tomorrow is another day.”  I don’t want to deal with that.  It’s not a big deal.

In order for Mary Magdalene and Peter to face the gaping mystery of the empty tomb, they had to be willing not to retreat into numbness;  …not to shut down with certainty – he’s dead, that’s that;  …not to blame – themselves, the Romans, the authorities, whoever;  …not to think they had to fix it, make it perfect;  …and not to pretend that what they might do or not do won’t have an effect on others. 

In order for Mary and Peter to face the gaping mystery of the open tomb, they had to be willing to be there as they were, vulnerable and open handed.  The fallen woman and the denier.  They risked going to the place where he was laid, even if it hurt.  They were willing to love with their whole hearts, even when there was no guarantee.  They had to practice hope and gratitude and joy, even in their moment of terror and fear.  And, they had to believe that they were worthy enough to be at the tomb of Jesus.  And they were.

We all are.  The love of God is so infinite, that God’s loving acceptance gives us the courage to be imperfect and still to believe that we are worthy.  One of our Eucharistic Prayers says, “You have made us worthy to stand before you.”  Whoever we are, we are worthy.  Worthy of love and connection.  Just like Mary and Peter.

How can we see Jesus?  Allow yourself to be who you are, in all your vulnerabilities.  Jesus will be there.  When Mary Magdalene sees the empty tomb, she dissolves into tears.  Vulnerable and real.  And Jesus comes beside her, unrecognized.  He speaks her name.  She sees him.  She is healed.  Empowered and worthy.

Later in John’s gospel, Jesus will come to Peter, the one who betrayed him three times.  Three times Jesus will ask him, “Peter do you love me.”  Three times Peter will answer, truthfully, nondefensively,  “Yes, Lord.  You know that I love you.”  Three times Jesus will charge him with his ministry, “Feed my lambs; tend my sheep.”  The three denials are turned into three affirmations.  He is healed.  Empowered and worthy.

Come here to the open tomb.  Come as you are.  Wholeheartedly.  Open your hand.  Receive the bread of life.  You are worthy.  You belong.  Drink from the cup of salvation.  You are loved.  You are empowered.  Jesus is here.  You are here.  It is enough. 

Then go from this place like empowered and wholehearted, like Mary Magdalene and Peter, to live freely and courageously.  Courageous enough to be imperfect, compassionate enough to be kind – to yourself first, and then kind to others.  Willing to be who you are.  For, you are worthy.  You belong.  You have seen the Lord.

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This sermon owes much to the Ted Talk by Dr. Brené Brown, The Power of Vulnerability

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